Recently, I watched a video on youtube. Petikan ceramah tentang jodoh.
Kata ustaz penceramah, jodoh adalah salah satu takdir ikhtiar. Sama seperti makan, minum, dan tidur. Maksudnya, sepertimana manusia ditakdirkan untuk boleh memilih makanan yang ingin dimakan, minuman yang ingin diminum, dan memilih waktu serta tempat untuk tidur, seperti itulah juga manusia ditakdirkan untuk memilih jodoh masing-masing.
Kata ustaz penceramah lagi, setiap manusia akan diberikan 'signal' atau 'petanda' jodoh, yang berbentuk kecenderungan terhadap seseorang. Contohnya, apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, ataupun apabila kita dipinang atau dilamar oleh seseorang, itu sebenarnya merupakan 'petanda' jodoh kita.
And then it is up to each individual sama ada untuk menerima atau menolak 'petanda' tersebut, dengan berpandukan istikharah. Sekiranya selepas istikharah, segala urusan dipermudahkan, maka insyaAllah itulah jodoh kita. Tapi seandainya setelah istikharah dilakukan, tiba-tiba terdapat halangan atau petunjuk yang menghalang pernikahan, itu bermakna individu tersebut mungkin bukanlah jodoh kita sebenarnya.
And then I tried to apply this concept into my situation. What if 'dia' sebenarnya 'petanda' yang Allah berikan pada aku?
Sejujurnya, sejak dari awal perkenalan dengan dia, aku belum pernah buat istikharah yang sempurna..kot. Even when the feelings get deeper, aku cuma buat sekali dua, and then terus stop sebelum dapat petunjuk yang betul-betul meyakinkan. Tapi bila difikir-fikirkan, mungkinkah semua yang berlaku dalam 5-6 tahun ni sebenarnya merupakan petunjuk 'halangan' daripada Dia? Bila difikirkan semula, nothing has ever been going smoothly, ever since that time. All his plans, his arrangements.. none of them ever succeeded.
Mungkinkah sebenarnya, jawapan itu dah pun Dia berikan, cuma aku yang mengabaikan semua petunjuk tu? Atau mungkinkah, semua tu hanya berlaku disebabkan ketidakjujuran dia? Mungkinkah kalau dia betul-betul jujur dan berhenti berahsia, Allah akan tarik semua halangan tu? Because the only thing yang nampak berjalan dengan lancar sekarang ialah, hubungan aku dengan Z.. tapi itu pun masih didasari berjuta rahsia.
So apparently, we haven't got any definite answer. Because like what I said, aku belum pernah buat istikharah yang sebetul-betulnya. Dan dia pula, aku sendiri tak pasti kalau dia pernah buat istikharah semenjak mengenali aku. So how are we going to confirm whether all those situations are just 'ujian untuk dia' atau 'halangan buat kami'? Or both - ujian buat dia yang sebenarnya merupakan halangan buat kami? Are there any way to confirm it?
So sampai la ke hari ni, this 'petanda' masih lagi berlegar-legar di sekitar aku. And it makes me feel stressed sometimes, because there is no definite answer. I would sometimes feel restless, anxious, and suffocated, because I don't know whether to accept and be at peace with it, or leave it and move on. So until today, I kept going back and forth between the two. Back and forth.. back and forth.. back and forth.. back and forth.. back and forth.. sampai nak naik gila.
Dan apa yang membuatkan aku lebih bertambah stress adalah, there are no other 'petanda' or 'signals' yang boleh aku jadikan perbandingan untuk membuat pilihan. This one is already good enough for me and I don't want to just reject it.. because there's no guarantee that the next 'petanda' would be better than this, if I were to reject this one.
My judgement has become too messed up to the extent that sometimes I would even tried to question the fate:
Why? Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why him? Dalam berjuta-juta manusia yang hidup di atas muka bumi ni, kenapa dia sorang yang suka dengan aku? Why is there no one else? Why is it that the rest of the guys whom I ever had feelings for, never even looked at me? Why? Just why?
If I have to choose a jodoh, don't I need to have some choices? But right now I have no choice at all. So how the hell am I supposed to make a choice?!
And sometimes I would even thought:
If, and only if, any of my previous crushes ever liked me too.. perhaps all these would never happen. Perhaps I won't need to go through all these tortures. And perhaps by now I would already have a perfect family and living a happy life.
But then again.. no one could ever guarantee that it would be that way. After all, everything happens for a reason. There must be reason why I met him. There must be a reason why it is him. And there must be a reason why it is not any one of the others. But I still can't figure out the reason though.
I guess I can only keep bersangka baik dengan Allah.
And regarding this 'petanda', I think we both need to do istikharah, for real this time. Bersungguh-sungguh dengan sepenuh hati, and then come clean with everything. We need to get things straight, in order to get a convincing, definite answer. An answer that would bring peace to our mind and soul.
I wish he understands this, but if he still refuses, i'm gonna ignore this 'petanda' for good. Because if he keeps refusing and giving excuses, it only means that he refuse to follow the right path. Mungkin dia memang suka dan lebih selesa berada di jalan yang gelap, menyesatkan lagi menyakitkan, sebab tu macam-macam alasan yang diberikan bila orang ajak ikut jalan yang lurus, jalan yang benar. And I would be the most stupid girl on earth if I even consider to accept that kind of guy.. am I not right?
But I am confident that my dear isn't that kind of person.. hopefully.. I wish so.. please.
Kata ustaz penceramah, jodoh adalah salah satu takdir ikhtiar. Sama seperti makan, minum, dan tidur. Maksudnya, sepertimana manusia ditakdirkan untuk boleh memilih makanan yang ingin dimakan, minuman yang ingin diminum, dan memilih waktu serta tempat untuk tidur, seperti itulah juga manusia ditakdirkan untuk memilih jodoh masing-masing.
Kata ustaz penceramah lagi, setiap manusia akan diberikan 'signal' atau 'petanda' jodoh, yang berbentuk kecenderungan terhadap seseorang. Contohnya, apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, ataupun apabila kita dipinang atau dilamar oleh seseorang, itu sebenarnya merupakan 'petanda' jodoh kita.
And then it is up to each individual sama ada untuk menerima atau menolak 'petanda' tersebut, dengan berpandukan istikharah. Sekiranya selepas istikharah, segala urusan dipermudahkan, maka insyaAllah itulah jodoh kita. Tapi seandainya setelah istikharah dilakukan, tiba-tiba terdapat halangan atau petunjuk yang menghalang pernikahan, itu bermakna individu tersebut mungkin bukanlah jodoh kita sebenarnya.
And then I tried to apply this concept into my situation. What if 'dia' sebenarnya 'petanda' yang Allah berikan pada aku?
Sejujurnya, sejak dari awal perkenalan dengan dia, aku belum pernah buat istikharah yang sempurna..kot. Even when the feelings get deeper, aku cuma buat sekali dua, and then terus stop sebelum dapat petunjuk yang betul-betul meyakinkan. Tapi bila difikir-fikirkan, mungkinkah semua yang berlaku dalam 5-6 tahun ni sebenarnya merupakan petunjuk 'halangan' daripada Dia? Bila difikirkan semula, nothing has ever been going smoothly, ever since that time. All his plans, his arrangements.. none of them ever succeeded.
Mungkinkah sebenarnya, jawapan itu dah pun Dia berikan, cuma aku yang mengabaikan semua petunjuk tu? Atau mungkinkah, semua tu hanya berlaku disebabkan ketidakjujuran dia? Mungkinkah kalau dia betul-betul jujur dan berhenti berahsia, Allah akan tarik semua halangan tu? Because the only thing yang nampak berjalan dengan lancar sekarang ialah, hubungan aku dengan Z.. tapi itu pun masih didasari berjuta rahsia.
So apparently, we haven't got any definite answer. Because like what I said, aku belum pernah buat istikharah yang sebetul-betulnya. Dan dia pula, aku sendiri tak pasti kalau dia pernah buat istikharah semenjak mengenali aku. So how are we going to confirm whether all those situations are just 'ujian untuk dia' atau 'halangan buat kami'? Or both - ujian buat dia yang sebenarnya merupakan halangan buat kami? Are there any way to confirm it?
So sampai la ke hari ni, this 'petanda' masih lagi berlegar-legar di sekitar aku. And it makes me feel stressed sometimes, because there is no definite answer. I would sometimes feel restless, anxious, and suffocated, because I don't know whether to accept and be at peace with it, or leave it and move on. So until today, I kept going back and forth between the two. Back and forth.. back and forth.. back and forth.. back and forth.. back and forth.. sampai nak naik gila.
Dan apa yang membuatkan aku lebih bertambah stress adalah, there are no other 'petanda' or 'signals' yang boleh aku jadikan perbandingan untuk membuat pilihan. This one is already good enough for me and I don't want to just reject it.. because there's no guarantee that the next 'petanda' would be better than this, if I were to reject this one.
My judgement has become too messed up to the extent that sometimes I would even tried to question the fate:
Why? Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why him? Dalam berjuta-juta manusia yang hidup di atas muka bumi ni, kenapa dia sorang yang suka dengan aku? Why is there no one else? Why is it that the rest of the guys whom I ever had feelings for, never even looked at me? Why? Just why?
If I have to choose a jodoh, don't I need to have some choices? But right now I have no choice at all. So how the hell am I supposed to make a choice?!
And sometimes I would even thought:
If, and only if, any of my previous crushes ever liked me too.. perhaps all these would never happen. Perhaps I won't need to go through all these tortures. And perhaps by now I would already have a perfect family and living a happy life.
But then again.. no one could ever guarantee that it would be that way. After all, everything happens for a reason. There must be reason why I met him. There must be a reason why it is him. And there must be a reason why it is not any one of the others. But I still can't figure out the reason though.
I guess I can only keep bersangka baik dengan Allah.
And regarding this 'petanda', I think we both need to do istikharah, for real this time. Bersungguh-sungguh dengan sepenuh hati, and then come clean with everything. We need to get things straight, in order to get a convincing, definite answer. An answer that would bring peace to our mind and soul.
I wish he understands this, but if he still refuses, i'm gonna ignore this 'petanda' for good. Because if he keeps refusing and giving excuses, it only means that he refuse to follow the right path. Mungkin dia memang suka dan lebih selesa berada di jalan yang gelap, menyesatkan lagi menyakitkan, sebab tu macam-macam alasan yang diberikan bila orang ajak ikut jalan yang lurus, jalan yang benar. And I would be the most stupid girl on earth if I even consider to accept that kind of guy.. am I not right?
But I am confident that my dear isn't that kind of person.. hopefully.. I wish so.. please.
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